Knowing the type of infidelity sometimes makes understanding it a little easier. Was it a one night stand or a long term affair? Was it due to mid life crisis or an act of retaliation? Is there a sexual addiction or did he/she want the marriage to end?

There are several types of affairs which include:

  1. The curiosity affair — where one is bored and curious about the excitement of having an external relationship.
  2. The unintended affair — a simultaneous attraction occurs in an environment outside the relationship.
  3. The compulsive affair — often initiated by one with a risk taking and adventurous personality.
  4. The retaliative affair — is motivated by revenge and serves the purpose of equalising the wrongs. But do two wrongs equal a right?
  5. The split self affair — this happens when the needs of others are put before those of oneself, and the deprivation catches up. Usually a long term affair because decisions are avoided.
  6. The distance regulator — the relationship is usually over but tolerated for reasons which may include the children and security.
  7. Out the door affair — an “excuse” for leaving the relationship. This occurs when the relationship is over for the betrayer but wants a quick way out. Often clues are left for a quick discovery.
  8. Empty nest affairs — where couples have lived their lives around the children and have found that the empty nest is too empty and lonely.
  9. Sexual addiction — when the couple’s sexual drive is not equalised and the betrayer goes in search of sexual satisfaction outside the relationship.
  10. Intimacy avoiders — being intimate with someone outside the relationship helps retain distance from your partner. It is a means to staying absent.
  11. Conflict avoidance — an affair to control and diffuse anger, and avoid arguments and difference of opinion.