To heal your relationship, there are several beliefs you need to have in order to move forward. Beliefs such as ‘I may be hurt again, but the risk is worth it’ or ‘it is not always easy to forgive and forget the past hurt and pain, and it may happen again, but if I don’t let go of the past I won’t be able to live the present or future to its fullest’ are amazingly useful in changing the pattern of the way you have been thinking. Each partner needs to know that they are worthy, fully accept that they deserve a chance to heal within the relationship and have nothing to gain by holding on to a grudge.

Other beliefs to establish healing may include:

  1. I will give reformations a chance to take hold and give the other person a chance to say, “I’m sorry”!
  2. Be aware of positive changes; reward and reinforce them.
  3. Laugh and let the others see your smile and sense of humour.
  4. Accept a ‘yes’ when you are given it, and learn to say ‘thank you’ with no qualifications.
  5. Accept others for who they are rather than how you would like them to be.
  6. Use humility, patience, generosity, and honesty as tools in the healing process.

When creating a relationship healing is needed

If any of the following problems exist in your relationship, the relationship is in desperate need of healing for the return of health and vitality. Problem environments exist where the member(s):

  1. Come from high stress or dysfunctional family backgrounds.
  2. Have an addictive problem with alcohol, drugs, food, sex, gambling, money, shopping, etc.
  3. Have rigid beliefs in the religious, political, or social arenas.
  4. Is workaholic, perfectionist, or obsessively compulsive in getting things done.
  5. Have been unfaithful to the other.
  6. Have a relationship in which the parties are neither growing nor being nurtured.
  7. Are rigid fundamentalists who hold to absolute beliefs of right or wrong.
  8. Have not been allowed to think or act independently and have lost all sense of personal autonomy.
  9. Are withdrawn, silent, and unable to deal with personal problems.
  10. Are immobilised by blaming, bickering, fighting, arguing, yelling, nagging, threatening, name calling, belittling, and other negative behaviour.
  11. Are troubled, refuse to admit to personal problems and remain unwilling to get help for the problems.
  12. Are in need of ongoing peer support programming, such as Alcoholics
    Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, or ALANON (for family members of alcoholics), and the others in the environment encourage such participation.
  13. Admit to contributing to the conflict in the environment, and ask for support to continue working on growth and change.
  14. Personal rights are ignored.
  15. Desire change but feel ‘stuck’ or immobilised.