Seven Tips for Dealing with a Relationship Breakup
- Accept your sadness and be kind to yourself. Do not put undue pressure on yourself. Take time off from work if necessary. During this mourning period, learn to accept that this person was put in your path for you both to learn and grow and remember the good things and value them. Buy books or attend workshops that support the idea of letting go and feeling good about yourself. Seek grief counselling if that feels right.
- Formalise a farewell to end the relationship. When someone dies we have formal funerals but when a loved one leaves we have no such comforting ritual. If you can, let go of things that remind you of what is no more. Letting go of the material goods helps to let go of the memory. Don’t be tempted to keep souvenirs and pore over them – it will only make the memory want linger on.
- Treat and indulge yourself. All the books and experts tell you that indulging yourself from time to time is good for you – but it is particularly good to do when you are feeling emotionally unstable or vulnerable. Food might be the first treat that comes to mind, but be moderate – indulging in food may make you feel worse later. Allow your body to tell you what to eat. Think of the type of exercise you would most love to do and start doing it. Buy some aromatic bath oil, light loads of candles and soak in a warm bath for as long as you need as often as you need or read a great uplifting book.
- Ask yourself each day what you have to be grateful for. It is very healing to give thanks for all that is good and wonderful in our lives – a roof over your head, a job or friends and family that love you allows you to focus on what is possible and not on what is no longer.
- Make a list of all the things that are great about you and tell yourself those things. Say to yourself: “What I like about me is: …” Make a list of all the qualities a new partner will get when they come into your life and reread and add to them whenever you think of something else.
- Go on a personal development workshop that will boost your positive self image. You’ll also meet new people who are also trying to improve their lives and they are more likely to have positive attitudes.
- Surround yourself with people who give you hope rather than who drag you back into the past or drag you down. Avoid people who pat you on the back and say stuff like ‘oh how awful’ and seek out people who say things like ‘so, what’s next – what wonderful people are out there for you to meet’.
And when you are looking back at yourself from having got over it, what would you tell yourself from there in the future that you have learned. Make it something worthwhile!
What would you tell your past self if you could call them from the future?
This is an interesting question. I went through a break up on the 8th of Jan 2007 at approximately 9:49pm. Funny how you hold on to such details post event.
I starting getting counselling the day after the breakup as for the first time in my life i didnt want anyone else opinion to how?I should be coping. Yes, lots of us that have loved and lost would know where i am coming from, and those of you that havent loved all i can say is, be prepared for one hell of a ride. Its extremely bumpy; but you will wake up the next day and look in the mirror and it will still be you.
In retrospect to my situation (In a nutshell, being cheated on and told that they werent in it for the long haul, making you wonder why you spent 10 months of your life with that person with them having the notion that I was a steping stone, but anyway) I think the only real true thing that i could say to myself if i was to call myself in the past is as follows.
Its taken me over 6 months to realise my self worth as an individual, for I have become who i am without this person in my life before there passing.
And if my present self is aware of what my future self has said to me, then in the future, I will not hesitate to pass this message back to myself, for it is, and will, and had lead me on a good path in life.
Having a relationship end is one of the worst feelings in the world. And it is different for everyone. But at the end of the day, you have still lost someone who was a part of your life, and it’s hard to get past that. I am 22 and have been through my fair share of relationships, having had a 5 yr relationship end this year, I found it extremely hard to pull through it alone. Looking above up at the 7 tips – although they are great “ideas” putting them into place is very hard.
Seeking counselling for myself was the hardest thing I probably had to do, but it was also the best thing I could of done. I know now that I am strong enough on my own to deal with anything that comes my way… I just wish other people knew this about themselves too..